first impressions...

...are the hardest to forget.

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If I had to pay money to take back all I did and make things right, I would be in debt for the rest of my life. All the lies, all the wrong decisions, all the stupid mistakes and pointless fights. Trying to make things right is difficult, nearly impossible, when all you've done for the past three years is screw things up. You can't make someone forget what you've done, especially when while you're trying to fix things, you continue to do those things that screwed everything up in the first place. Maybe it's too late. I certainly don't want it to be.

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I'll never be able to forget how I felt the first time I saw you, what I thought. I'll never be able to forget the night you said you were in love with me and my stupid response of "Oh." Oh? Seriously? How about I always knew. How about I was hoping you would say that to me. How about I feel the same way, that I have since we started to spend so much time together: before the late-night paper sessions, before my riding my bike over to your apartment in the middle of the night just so I could spend a little more time with you, even though I had just dropped you off an hour before, even though I wouldn't be able to sleep all night because I didn't want a single minute to go by where I wasn't looking at you. I felt the same way before we finally went out together alone, when we sat in that bar, in that front booth, after everyone had left us there to talk about everything. How about I'm in love with you too, but I'm just too afraid to say it because I've never felt that in that way before and am afraid of what it meant to the rest of my life, to my life before I ever met you. I want it all back. I want to go back to that night we talked in that bar and do things differently, completely. I want it to be OK to be selfish by wanting it to be OK to say that I need you and want you forever, to be OK for you to feel the same way again. I don't want it to be too late.

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Truth 1: It's not too late.
Truth 2: Maybe it is.
Truth 3: It's always been you whom I've been trying to impress.