Republican: We are 100% for equal rights.
Democrat: Well, what about blacks and other minorities, women, homosexuals, the poor?
Republican: Yeah. They're equal, too. Of course, not equal to us rich white guys, but to each other. And dog shit.
How to be a true Republican: Believe that making millions is the American dream and a God-given right, as long as you're white; Believe that God said that homosexuality is wrong because the Bible said so, but forget the fact that the Bible was written by man and man is inherently corrupt; Believe that leaving no child behind in the educational system means leaving every child behind in the educational system; Believe that financing educational progress isn't important as long as we have big bombs; Believe that Democracy should be spread across the globe no matter how many people have to die to accomplish our goal; Believe that all countries deserve our help so long as they have something to give us, like oil (sorry Africa); Believe that everything that's wrong with our country is the fault of those crazy liberals because they believe in true equality and progress.