another inclement year

Distances grow impatient; the sky lets out a harsh sigh as a fire inhales in a flickering living room; we sit, pretending we didn't see it coming; it's over, we say, the world has finally ended.

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Another long year has passed. I fear another long year ahead. When am I going to get over it? I've tried but can't seem to do anything. I feel like I've been faking it for two years now, fairly unsuccessfully. Maybe I'll never get over it. Maybe I can only try to push it deeper down inside myself. Maybe faking it is all I'll be able to do. Maybe that's the point. I give up.

Happy freaking birthday.

so this is the new year...

A new year and already I'm slightly depressed. When am I going to break?

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I wish I could have that dream again, the one where I'm in my car on the highway. It scared the hell out of me, but I finally felt something. I want to actually feel something again.

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Truth: Lost and insecure...you found me, you found me